Monday, January 21, 2008

The EDD Diary #9 - " To know her..."

11 EDD Spam weekending 17/08/07

It was Black Wednesday and Kennith Hatfield surveyed the spread-sheet before him. It assured him that his investment in the pills store business had indeed been incredibly fruitful. It didn’t worry him that he had no moral scruples and that the diagnostic testing results were slightly dodgy or that the short selling of the Italian lira had boosted his profits. This was not his concern. His concern was that he had gained popularity over the whole world.
This was his empire and as close as he was going to get to those guys from Hollywood.
Erin Whitehead, his secretary walked in. She was an extremely pragmatic woman, with a gait that was as strong as it was suggestive, yet this same strength made her untouchable, she secretly scared him. He wondered what it would be like to
know her, from the sexual side, to know how she is inside, exactly.
“Protect your manhood now and discover how it feels to be a man with Penis Enlarge Patch!”
Erin was chuckling wildly at this statement, the latest headliner in the spam publicity drive.
“I will tell you how it feels! It feels like you’re a right dick because you have some sticky bandage patch hanging on the end of your todger that is going to bloody hurt and make your eyes water like a baby when you rip it off!”
Kennith shrunk slightly, on the inside, while on the outside he donned the jolly smirk of cammeraderie, not wanting to seem like a real ‘dick’ himself.
“My God, sometimes I can’t believe I work for ‘Mr MegaDik’ himself, spreading the joys of an increased phallus to hundreds of thousands of, pleased and happy men the world over! It’s like I have found myself in some bad 60’s B-grade sexual revolution flick, where the free lovin masses are going wild on any new formula that is designed to sky rocket them into the next transcendent level of ecstatic consciousness. Yet, what every one forgets, that then, as is now, there is a limited period of effectiveness, because it is so male-centric. It is not about the woman at all!
Erin somehow always managed to make Kennith feel cornered, exposed, undone, slightly stupid. He knew he was a charlatan, he knew his alter -ego just wanted to be ‘Mr Megadik’ in every sense of the word, to have the reputation of a Don Juan and he knew he was a total bluff. He also knew he was hypnotised by the power of this woman and didn’t want to be seen as gross. He wanted to seem street-wise and cool and aware of the joke behind all of this. Hence, he played along with her rebukes, wore her criticism with a knowing smile, smart enough to realise that once he let it get to him, he would cease to be an effective speculator.
“Well Erin, thank God you took this opportunity to join in this revolution! You have plenty of reasons to now take your time in choosing your ideal man because you know what is possible!
This banter, this rally of wit and sarcasm, could run for several rounds and it sort of charged the air, well in Kennith’s mind anyway, with an enjoyable sexual tension.
“ Yes, well anyway, Kennith, what I came in here to inform you about, in the first place, was this…”
Erin threw a newspaper down on the desk, it was folded open on page 5 and an article circled.
“ It seems the government is cracking down on business dealings online. They believe they are being diddled out of valuable dollars to line their coffers. They won’t say how much they think they have lost. Anyway, thought it might be worthwhile looking into alternate strategies and setting up some damage control”
“Oh and by the way I have been keeping track of the movements of that pirate company. The latest adverts read “Only the best models by the world’s best brands” we can always unleash a virus into their system. I have the location and the programmer at hand, you can email him if you want to go ahead.”
At that she turned on her heels and strode out of the room. A faint breeze stirred in her wake bringing with it, the warming scent of sandalwood and the suggestion of warm soft flesh. A few seconds later his phone rang, it jolted Kennith to his senses, he shook his head as he tried to clear it of his daydreaming fantasies…
“Good Morning, Manster Medicals, how can I help you?”

1 comment:

unreasonable adults said...

I am still imagining a durational live performance one day of all these text with slides. Sort of EDD meets William Yang. x