Thursday, September 13, 2007

The EDD Diary #2 - "Surround the Modifier Keys"

This week ending 29/06/07 I have received 21 Erectile Dysfunction Disorder (EDD) spam

“The lowlands of venus lie between the thumb and the forefinger of the continent known as Hand”

I have some stories to share with you. “I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog”, well, I suppose not in that order, however “you should know that you’re not alone”. “You should know there is something”, like my friend “Albert”, who made a “fresh start in Milan”, which was a much “freer, sunnier life than had been possible in Germany”. Meanwhile, “I indulged in a lot of mind-numbing preparations, mostly Margaritas, my poison of choice, and kept a nervous weather eye open for signs of
impending depression” and “the very best prices for the best drugs”. I was told, “When the time is right you will always be ready”. “I increased my pace somewhat after that”.
My friend “Paula Padilla” is always worrying about erections, she believes you can “have unbelievable sex 24/7” I worry about whether we have everything we need and will this “Heightened libido” give me “faster recoil strength”. “Perhaps you haven’t words for it ( I know I didn’t when I was a boot)” but I wait for “the latest message started, coming in from the rescue ship.”
“Richard Rich” pretends he knows me, he has “orgasm power” and is participating “in the ongoing worldwide penis enhancement drive”. “Your lady can’t have orgasms?” he pronounces, well, “Time to get started” and “Be all you can be!!” His friend “Thomas Vaughn” also has “orgasm power”, he believes “sex can keep you” “alive”. “Arnold Harding”, another associate, is Mr “sexual energy”, but judging from his last statement - “Women…walking away when they see you naked”? well, “stop it with Penis Enlarge Patch”! - I guess he gets a bit of help. They all told me about another guy “Joseph ‘penis loader’ Glass”, who was supposedly a “sexual giant all night long” but unfortunately, this got him into a bit of trouble and he developed the unhappy reputation of being the “hymen destroyer”. They said, “The commission was deliberating behind this door and there his fate would be decided.”
“Fatma Buch”, probably one of the more sane in this unlikely bunch, wants to write a book entitled “40 difficulties maintaining erections” which looks into this era of media hype around EDD. Her sequel will be titled “ 40 difficulties getting treatment” subtitled “ If a relaxing moment turns into the right moment, will you be ready?” This will be an ironic survey of the side effect of man in perpetual drug induced erection. I think it will have lots of farcical far-side influenced caricatures and probably will no doubt, be a laugh. She will dedicate it “with best regards” to the late “Ronald ‘orgasmotron’ Velasquez” who was famous for saying “After taking Penis Enlarge Patch your dick will be big enough to reach your mouth”. Well I imagine “in the past, this has been very embarrassing”
One day I was sick of this talk. I just wanted to “forget about” all these “ ED problems”. I turned to “Richard Rich” and said “In Chechnya they call you “the man with a bullet in his head” for your pluck.” But “As Piggy says, life’s scientific but we don’t know do we. “ They” all “looked at me with revulsion”

My crazy Grandfather was often known to bellow - “My hell, and Ireland’s, is in this life”. He was a troubled visionary with many stories to be told. The lack of integrity of the corporate political masses would drive him insane. He said “things were more or less managed on a need-to-know basis” “Sometimes he wanted to shout at them” – “I Vidimo, rodnik…na poedinok v tot zhe god…On zhe svetoch, poimaesh okazalsia v ee rukah” - (this, he told me was an ancient eastern dialect) which he translated to “ I have become, it seems to me, the apex of an isosceles triangle, supported by twin deities, the wild god of memory and the lotus-goddess of the present.”
He told me about a time during the war, when a fellow soldier was brought to order on the rape of a village girl. He said “ Ampleforth marched clumsily out between the guards, his face vaguely perturbed, but uncomprehending. He still seemed out of breath”. The girl was with a woman of the village. He said – I will never forget “ the girl’s face stained with dirt and tears, holding the woman’s arm looking up at her for a sign to cry.”
He divulged once that “thirty different species of birds visited him and sat on the sill outside his shuttered window conversing about this and that” and that a long time ago while out on a boat he had witnessed an ancient sea creature briefly, - “it rises to the surface and turns its belly, which is covered with fine hairs, upwards into the air” before sinking slowly back to the watery depths, he re-counted. He had captured this in drawings and “his hands began to tremble” as “he laid the pictures carefully on the desk”. This was a magical moment and one of many. Another time he handed me a beautiful stone, a stone of special properties, he said, it had been entrusted to him by an old soothsayer in the mountains, (again somewhere in the east). He described how his friend “Wingover took the crystal, and the green color faded from the mage” He said this was all part of solving the riddle of this time and “When that day comes I will have something that they don’t have”. But now, he said “only one problem remained, which had no picture at all, but only letters”.
The last piece of advice he left me with was “ To manually move the robot just place it anywhere else on the map”

He passed away many years ago. “An extra route has been created in the routing table” now. Sometimes I wish I could “choose reset to restore the default library”
Anyway “Good health to you” my friends


Ps “My dog and are still alive : )”
Pps “play again by pressing the space bar”

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